Yesterday morning I said goodbye to my sister, her husband, their youngest two children, and most of my furniture, clothing and shoes. As I watched them drive away, I realized that this goodbye was the first of many to come over the next six weeks. And as I replayed it in my mind, the reason for my sister’s sadness finally hit me—it was also the last time I would see her for an indefinite amount of time. I’ve got a one-way ticket out of here without any idea of when I’ll be returning. This goodbye was the first of many lasts, which left me feeling a bit undone.
I reviewed the photos taken during their stay. There wasn’t a single one of my sister and me together or of me with my niece or nephew. And it rained throughout their entire visit. This place has been my home for nearly 4 years and I didn’t get to show them why. Then, I found myself assessing the skeletal remains of my closet, upset that I hadn’t given her this shirt or that dress. I looked around my room and saw a wallet I should have given her, oh, and I meant to ask her to hold onto that T-shirt for safekeeping. It has sentimental value, but now it’s too late. What will I do with that T-shirt now!
Feeling deflated, I realized that I just needed to stop. I needed to stop with these small regrets. I’m sure that someone else might appreciate a new wallet. I needed to stop feeling bad about things that are out of my control. I consider myself a person with some talents, but sun dancing is not one of them. I needed to stop and sit and think. I needed to figure out how to shake this feeling of inevitable failure and impending regret. I decided to make a list.
My list is of the things that I know I want to experience for one last time. They are made up of the things that I love most or have some of my fondest memories of doing in VT. I figure that with sufficient planning I’ll be able to escape BTV with limited emotional baggage. In no particular order:
- Muddy's Chocolate Espresso Shake
- KK's Rise and Shiner with Bacon
- Hike Mt. Mansfield with lots of yummy food
- Run the entire bike path
- Individual runs with J, B, Em and E.
- A day on the lake with friends and cocktails on A's boat
- Grace Potter concert on the Waterfront
- Bangkok Bistro's Calamari and Massaman Tofu
- Maura's Fabulous Salad and the Planet Burger
- A leisurely day on Church Street of cocktails, lunch and shopping w/ EKB
- A picnic with Friends at Leddy Park
- Time with out-of-state friends and family
- A final reading with D
- Dinner and a movie at Q-Monroe's with J, Oli and Ella (This is not a hint, I swear!)
6 comments:
maybe you won't be leaving with emotional baggage, but with all the eating we plan on doing, we might all be 5 pounds heavier! i'll keep that lucky t-shirt safe for you.
xoxo.
You're the perfect keeper for that T-shirt 'cause it's from Keirabachi!
ok, but only if you promise to come back for it.
it's time for an update -- i know you have something brewing...
i'm still waiting. what night for movies and dinner? wednesday? you leave 9/17? omg. please dont' go. or please come back.
Hi,
I was just breezing through, surfing the blogs, and came upon yours. Don't know anything about you, but after reading your 2-3 posts, I find you to be a very sincere person. I was really touched by your article on why you are going to Vietnam. You may not even read this till you get home, but I didn't want to keep blog surfing without stopping to leave my mark on your world. I can totally relate to your sense of adventure. I am like you, only not near as daring. I have a husband and three grown sons and am 48. I am just now beginning to venture outside my hometown. But I have been to Israel and back now, and NYC twice! (That's big for me!) The thing I want to say to you is this...(by the way, I loved your geranium explanation)...
I believe that we are all searching for meaning to life. That can only be found in God. He gives real meaning and purpose to life. He is really the only steadfast love that we will ever have. Jesus made it possible for us to have His presence everywhere we go, and He is always with us. You may already know this...but I felt compelled to write this. He is incredible, fun, and exciting. In Him, we find our true purpose for living. God bless you on your next adventure, even if it is in your hometown. Every day is an adventure with Him.
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